Leadership Personalities

by Faith St. Clair

My employer asked if I would take a seminar on business/professional writing. I was not interested in going, since my love for writing emerges from creativity and emotions, not technicalities. However, I figured that any knowledge of writing would be advantageous, so I agreed to go.

The seminar, however, was less on the technicalities of writing in the business world (although that was discussed, i.e. formatting, proper punctuation, etc.) and the majority of the day was talking about “who” you are writing to and how to approach your audience with the content of your message. The instructor talked of Tony Alessandra’s “Platinum Rule.” We all know the Golden Rule to treat others as you would have them treat you, but the Platinum Rule suggests treating others as they would like to be treated, indicating that not everyone is the same and people react different to different communications.

A Director personality, for instance, is someone who is targeted and has two governing needs - to control and to achieve. They are most comfortable when in charge of people and situations, they are fast-paced, task oriented and love to accept challenges. A Director can often be dominating, impatient, stubborn and insensitive to others. Their motto is: “My way or my way!” A Socializer is someone who is enthusiastic, friendly, party animals. They like being in the limelight, they have charm, are optimists, persuasive and good idea people. They don’t like being alone, have short attention spans and can be risk-takers, not inclined to verify information. A Socializer’s motto is: Any topic, any time, anywhere, or let’s party!” A Thinker is analytical, persistent, detailed-oriented, systematic and enjoys problem-solving. They are always in control of their emotions, they have high expectations of themselves and others and are slow deliberate decision makers. They can often be skeptical and over-critical. A Thinker’s motto is: “Everything in its place, everything done correctly.” A Relater is one who is warm and nurturing. They are people-oriented, excellent listeners, devoted friends, approachable, loyal, team players who like the status quo. They avoid risk and need security. Their motto is: “Let’s all just get along.”


A few weeks ago, I spent a few days with 100 fifth-graders up in Prescott Pines at an Outdoor Education field trip. One of those 5th graders was my youngest daughter. It intrigued me to watch her with her peers and for the most part, she acted as though I wasn’t even there (except to hold her water bottle or hone in on special privileges like first in the shower or lunch line). As I observed her, I was amazed at her leadership and four separate adults that week spoke to me of the same observation. My usual comeback was, “leader or just bossy, I’m not sure which.” They argued for a leader. As you watched the reaction of those she led, they flocked to her, her suggestions and ideas. If she was just bossy, their reaction to her would not be so agreeable.

There were many times, however, that I had to remind her to join in the activity, not just direct it - to take a minute and talk with a girl who didn’t seem so eager at the “direction” my daughter had given her. My daughter reminded me of my husband who shares with her a domineering “director/socializer” personality.

What I have felt for years about my husband, I all of a sudden realized with clarity while watching my daughter – what power they have! Focused in the right direction, with gospel principles behind every venture or idea, the power they have to be a guiding light to their fellow men blows my mind. If they just realized the power they have, they could work wonders by building the kingdom of God, creating praiseworthy environments and putting positive energies out into the universe.

How to get them to realize the gift they have been given?

I turned to The Book of Mormon’s King Benjamin, my favorite leader, and re-read the reasons that drew me to that decision. A true leader is not one who directs people, but one who guides. You can tell people what to do, but the results are far better if you show them, guide them, love them, work with them and be an example to them. King Benjamin was humble, an optimist, nurturing, devoted, courteous, in control, able to take charge, but considerate as well.

So what kind of personality is a leader? Most would think that leaders are Director-type personalities. I think that a good leader, like King Benjamin, is a little bit of all of them. A good leader may be driven by one particular personality quadrant, but they emit the good characteristics of all the quadrants.

We all have weaknesses in our personalities. The trick is to nurture our best qualities and try to garner the other good qualities that perhaps aren’t so intrinsic to us. We all are leaders; we just need to decide what kind we want to be.

I am a Thinker. So I’ll have to muse about it a while, but I think I would like to not be so critical, be more approachable and garner a little more charm. Any ideas how I get there?



Addendum: Here is how you communicate with the different personalities:

With a Director - you need to be sensitive to their time – don’t waste it. Be organized, get to the point and give them bottom line information and options. Appeal to their egos by supporting their ideas, let them call the shots and if you disagree, argue with facts, not feelings.

With a Socializer - remember they thrive on recognition, so pour it on sincerely. Support their ideas, goals, dreams and opinions. They are social butterflies, so a stimulating and entertaining conversation, jokes and liveliness will win them over. They are people-oriented so give them time to socialize, don’t rush into tasks.

With a Thinker - be sensitive to their time. They need details, so give them data. Support their organized, thoughtful approach to problem-solving, but be systematic, logical, well-prepared and exact with them. Give them time to make decisions and work independently. Recognize their contributions and compliment them on their brain power.

With a Relator - remember they want warm, fuzzy relationships, so take things slow and earn their trust, support their feelings and show sincere interest. Argue with feelings, not facts (opposite of Directors). They don’t like ruffled feathers and want to be assured that everyone approves of them and their decisions. Don’t back them into a corner, coaxing is much more effective.

Baptisms on the Beach

Last Saturday, a new convert to our small branch decided to get baptized in the relatively cooler waters of the Gulf of Mexico. (Around here that would be pronounced “guff.”) One of our members has a beautiful home right on the water and built it with these kinds of activities in mind. Most of the attendees spent the first moments passing each other on the walkway out to the water. It was a chilly, cloudy morning. Most of us were commenting on how cold it was. (FYI here cold is 60 degrees.) I’m not sure it was wise to have us face the stunningly beautiful water as the talk on baptism commenced. I found myself contemplating the beauty of the earth and not focusing in on the talk. Then we walked down to the water.

Just as his close friend lowered the new convert into the water, I’m not kidding here, the sun broke through the clouds and stayed out the rest of the day. It was pure magic, the stuff of fairy tales.

Once we were all settled in for the talk on the Holy Ghost and welcoming into the branch, I again found myself staring at the beach. It was an awesome experience. And being the history oriented person I am, I thought of how many baptisms went on in the Gulf maybe even centuries ago. And how much like a jewel this earth is. I’m not poetic but I hope you get the picture.

I turned to my niece who I am happy to report has decided to join the church and asked her if she would like to also be baptized on the beach. She looked at me with mock horror and said, “Oh no, I would never be able to concentrate on what was happening, I’ll take the traditional font route.” I sighed both because I understood and because I wanted another magical moment.

Veteran’s Day: Evening Reflections

by Joyce DiPastena

I miss you, Mom. On this Veteran’s Day evening, I know you’d want me not just to remember you, but to remember your love for your country and the service that you gave her in the US Navy.

I remember how much you loved to talk about your days as a Navy WAVE. How your eyes lit with laughter when you told of the time in the mess hall, when you accidentally dumped your silverware off your tray into the trash and while you were digging around trying to fish it out, a sailor walked by and said, “What’s the matter, mate, didn’t you get enough to eat?”

I remember the songs you taught me as a child, the silly little ditties you’d march to during drill. “Ding ding ding ding ding, here comes my wagon, my wagon…I’m from the nutty factory,” and “Be kind to your web footed friends, for a duck may be somebody’s mother.”

I remember your stories of shore leave (even though you never actually served overseas), how the other sailors and WAVES liked to take you along, because they knew while they’d be drinking alcohol, you’d be drinking 7-Up, and would be sure they all got back to base safely.

I remember how, while growing up, when I’d wake you up from a deep slumber you’d come awake with an audible gasp and a shudder. You explained to me how you’d developed that habit while serving as a nurse in the Navy hospital during “death watch”, and how being woken up at night meant that a patient had died and you had to go help, and how much you dreaded that call…hence the gasp and shudder that accompanied a sudden awakening, even into my teenage years.

I remember the pride you had all your life in being able to say, “I was a Navy WAVE.” Not in a puffed up way, but in a, “Being able to serve my country for two years were some of the best days of my life,” kind of way.

I remember how much you loved your country, and how you taught me to love it too. To be a good citizen. To vote. To be respectful. To honor the great Founders of our nation and respect the Constitution as a divine document. To sing the great patriotic songs of our country: America, The Beautiful…My Country ‘Tis of Thee…The Star-Spangled Banner. And to honor the flag. How erect you would stand, with such a proud, but fond look in your eyes, whenever the flag passed by!

And tonight, after you’ve been gone for seven and a half years, I still remember this song you taught me from your Navy days:

When I was young life was one big whirl,
I never thought I’d see those gates of pearl,
But when I got there I was very old,
And everything there was blue and gold.

I met Saint Peter and he said to me,
“I see you’re a member of the ship’s company,
So of course I’ve reserved a place for you.
Mrs. Saint Peter was a Navy WAVE, too!”

I treasure all the memories and lessons you shared with me of your days as a Navy WAVE. I hope you and Mrs. Saint Peter are having a nice chat this evening. But as for me, tonight, Mama…I miss you.

Northwest ANWA Writer's Retreat

By Liz Adair

Well, we did it! With Terry Deighton shoring up my short-term memory lapses at every turn, we brought off our very first annual retreat sponsored by Round Tuit Writers. It was held at the overnight lodge at Silver Lake, a Whatcom County Park that sits on the instep of the Mount Baker foothills.

Lodge is a bit of a misnomer, if that word conjures up a rustic log structure with huge beams, bear rugs and antlered walls. The overnight lodge at Silver Lake is a three bedroom, daylight basement apartment. It does have a nice gas fireplace, but it has only one bathroom and limited seating apparati. The six kitchen chairs are some of the hardest that have ever held my posterior, though a couch and easy chair offered more comfort to four lucky people.

The scenery is spectacular, though, and the lodge sits right by the lake. Forecasters had predicted horizontal rain, but they were wrong again. We had lots of sun and blue sky, and though the weather was brisk, it was a joy to walk along the lakeside and watch the little black ducks.

Sherry Ann Miller spoke to us Friday night and urged us not to give up, but to hone our craft and keep submitting. Saturday morning, Cecily Markland taught us how to put some life into our family history writing. Shauna Humphreys, former managing editor for Covenant Communications came and spoke to us about what an editor does and described the ideal author/editor relationship. I wound up the presentations with a retooled rendition of Using Family History in Fiction, the presentation I gave at the ANWA retreat last July. I used suggestions given me by several ANWA sisters as I tried to improve it. (Thank you ladies!)

Terry and I asked, should we do this again, and got a resounding yea vote. Where? Here? Another place? Everyone thought that Silver Lake was great because it was near, it was so beautiful, and there was no cellphone service. But, they asked for maybe one more day and fewer presenters so there could be larger blocks of time to just write or edit. And, maybe we could bring some canvas foldup chairs to use instead of the bum-numbing kitchen chairs?

I think we can do that.