Healing Relationships

by Kari Diane Pike

What would I do without the Lord's tender mercies? I would be utterly and completely lost. About a month ago I wrote about the blessing of being called to teach early morning seminary and how the Lord always knows exactly what I need. That blessing continues to expand.

The account of Jacob and Esau taught me to pray hard and work hard to repair relationships and to show love, respect, humility, courtesy, forgiveness and acceptance as I try to solve problems the Lord's way. Revenge, anger grudges, hatred, and lust can only result in regret and heartache. I love the way Jacob and Esau show us how resolution and repair to their relationship took effort on both sides. Both men acted with humility, courtesy, love and respect. Jacob prayed hard and did everything he could think of to make amends with Esau. 

"And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept." (Genesis 33:4)

I always ask the students, "What do 4000-year-old stories have to do with living in the 21st century? How can they apply to you today?" In this case, I asked them to think about their own relationships with family members and friends. Is there someone whom they need to forgive? Of course, this applies to my life as well. While I prepared the lessons I had thoughts come to me that perhaps I still harbored bad feelings toward a couple of people and that I needed to completely forgive them...and myself.

When I peeled back the layers of time covering that memory I was surprised by the depth of the wound and the pain that still remained. I truly thought I had forgiven those past offenses. Fortunately, my earlier efforts of prayer and fasting had not been in vain. While the wound hadn't healed, it was at least free of infection. There existed no hate or malice. But neither was there gratitude or love. I replayed the offense over and over again in my head. In just a few short minutes, resentment started to bubble in the wound. It would be so easy to let it fester. After all, what they did was wrong. Right?

That's when the Spirit whispered, "Pray. Pray as hard as you've ever prayed. Ask for strength to let it go. Ask for the ability to forgive and to be kind. Ask for love to fill the empty space. You can't heal this on your own. Have faith. Believe Christ. Trust in His Atonement. Ask Him to heal your broken heart. It's time to heal that wound completely, once and for all."

I began to pray right there and then - standing in the kitchen - and begged Heavenly Father to please help me let go and forgive. To please take away my resentment and blame placing. I couldn't heal the wound myself. I begged for the power of the Atonement and the Savior's healing grace to heal the wound for me.

Within moments, the most wonderful feeling washed over me. Memories of the people we've met, the places we've seen and the lessons we've learned came flooding back. My mind opened up to an entirely new perspective. Gratitude filled that wound and spilled out and washed over my heart. If I had never experienced that challenge, I would have missed out on amazing new friendships and life events. The Lord placed those individuals in my life to help my testimony grow stronger and to help me gain wisdom. I wouldn't trade any of the blessings that have ensued as a result of the very actions that created my wound. The only thing I would change, given the chance at a re-do, would be my attitude and the energy I wasted being angry and frightened and resentful. I would trust and love more. But that's okay. I can do that starting right now.

An even bigger challenge stares us down right now. I don't know what the outcome is going to be exactly. But I do know this: It is going to be magnificent because if I am faithful, God can direct my life and help me make trials become blessings for myself and others. Challenges make me stronger and peace always follows turmoil because of what the Savior did for me.