Nov 30, 2007

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Valerie J. Steimle

This is a particularly difficult blog to write. I wasn’t going to write it now. I was going to wait until later in the day but I couldn’t sleep anyway so I thought I might as well get it done early. This past week things were not right with the guy I have been seeing. We had such a great time together in the last seven months and it was time to find out whether we should get married. His answer to the prayer was different from mine, surprisingly. His was a big no and he knew for the past week. But he wanted to be sure that was the right answer and was dragging his feet in telling me. That would be why we didn’t have such a great week together. So last night we met in the middle of Pascagoula, Mississippi and Loxley, Alabama and he told me. I have never had to go through that before. Back in my BYU days, I was always the one to break it off, not the one being broken off to. So now I sit at my computer writing about the woes of breaking up a relationship that I thought was going to go on a lot longer than it did.
Last year I went to one of those singles conferences and sat in a workshop which was taught by an LDS woman psychologist and she brought out the point that it is not uncommon to not marry someone that you love. I just felt that idea was so strange. How can someone love another person and then not get married to them? It just seemed so foreign to me but now I understand that idea much better. It will be difficult to listen to The Eagles, Love Will Keep Us Alive after this. We would dance to that in his living room sometimes.
I feel like becoming a hermit but he said that it wouldn’t help. He became a hermit for a long time after his divorce and I was the one who brought him out of it. It will take time to get over this one. Not like losing a husband but it is painful. Something I had to learn in life, I suppose. I wonder what my husband thinks about all of this.


  1. Oh, Valerie, I am so sorry! Affairs of the heart hurt so bad when they go awry. The sadness permeates every thought and action for the longest time and knocks our self-confidence akilter. Luckily you're a writer, and writing is the best solace and therapy....and remember, a writer's revenge is putting someone as a character in a book.

    Though, I shouldn't be talking about revenge. I should be talking about learning from this and quoting scripture. That's right, too, but I'll tell you, the other is marvelously fun.

    A last note from my gray head: There will come a day when you will be thankful for his decision.

    Wishing you all best,


  2. I hope, hope, hope I never, ever, ever have to be single!

  3. I have the same hope as Betsy...and I like the comments Liz made. My heart aches for you, Valerie. Breaking up a relationship hurts...and having it happen during the holidays really stinks. It sounds like you helped him in a time of need. We usually come to love those whom we serve. I wonder who your angel will be!

  4. I'm reminded of the time my daughter, a returned missionary, prayed about a young man she liked, and got a definite no. She broke up with him, and cried for days. I've never had that experience, myself, but I can imagine. One suggestion. The harder you think it is, the harder it will be. I truly belive it's not what happens to us, but how we handle it -- how we choose to react -- that makes the difference. I'm beginning to realize that's probably why I think I have had so few trials. I've learned to consider them as challenges instead. (Do I sound smug? I'm not, I hope.) Maybe I'm just too lazy to spend all that energy in anger, worry, or regret. See what there is to learn, and then move on.

    However, grieving also has a place. A good cry sometimes is as relaxing as eight hours sleep.

  5. I love all of your comments. I did have a good cry and I have moved on. It is true: the harder I thought it was, the harder it was. It was the right thing to happen. Heavenly Father has something wonderful in store for me and that is how I see it. It will be better in the future.


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