According to the Book of Heidi

Recently my blog posts have been spotty at best. And I have loads of excuses, the chief of them being that my children have been out of school for the summer and I rarely get work done when they are home watching and listening to and playing things. I'm also a Relief Society president and work for the Boy Scouts. And I've been trying to get one of my books published while simultaneously writing on several of my other books and editing a couple of other people's books. I also do reviews for the local church book store. So that and wasting time on the Internet means I don't write much.

Picture of other golden plates.

But today, as I got out my scriptures to read, it occurred to me that we have it so easy. So in the interest of less whining, for the rest of this blog I shall pretend to write in the manner of prophets of old. (Though I am no prophet and these are not inspired scriptures.)

1. Therefore I, Heidi, did endeavor to keep a record of my people. 2. Having not the papyrus of the Egyptians nor the ink on which to inscribe, I did travel for three days into the mountains round about the desert and mine ore therefrom and did lug it homeward on the back of a donkey.
3. And it came to pass that I did molten out the ore and formed molds from which I might fashion rings and pages of gold. I endeavored to make the pages flat and uniform and not ragged on the edges that they might catch and cut. I did punch the holes for the rings that the malleable pages might be kept together in one book and in good order.
4. And I did shine the pages and render them smooth that I might write upon them with a stylus.
5. And I did write much that is worthy unto my children and husband and friends and family and far-away passing acquaintances.
6. And I did hope exceedingly that my family and passing acquaintances might read of my words and gain a more firm understanding of life and of silliness and fiction and ultimately of our God.
7. And because of the great amount of verbiage, I did make my way again unto the mountains to mine more ore therefrom. And once more did I devise pages of gold. And I did repair those pages which had been torn or broken.

Same here.

8. And I did employ a servant to carry the book about from town to town in order to show it unto the people that they might learn of it in great numbers.
9. It came to pass that upon waking from my vision, I did appreciate the ease with which my life has proceeded unto this point. And I did rejoice exceedingly that I needs not indeed molten ore from the mountains.
10. And it came to pass that I did thank my Heavenly Father for devices which fling my words into the air for my family and friends and passing acquaintances to read. I did thank Him for those devices which dispense knowledge unto me at an amazingly speedy rate, and that I might pluck a likeness from the air and apply it unto my finished page.
11. And I did recognize that it was good.
12. And also I did know for what reason the scribes had in times past kept their verbiage to a minimum. For I was exhausted merely from the vision thereof.
(This is not meant in any way to be sacrilegious.)