Wherein Marsha Ward (the founder of American Night Writers Association) and a few of her friends blog about Life, the Universe, and their place in the World of Writing and Publishing
Oh Rene, my heart aches for you and your family. This is the numbing reality of motherhood: yur children are agents unto themselves. Their poor choices have an impact far beyond themselves, though, and that's the part I don't like.You and yours are in my prayers.
As hard as our own adversities are, watching loved ones go through it are in many ways more painful. My niece is currently clean and sober and we hope she stays that way. One terrible repercussion of addiction is that we can't really trust her yet. It was take a long time before any of us can take a deep breath again. It's so difficult. Just hang in there. We are.
Dear Rene,This is one of my favorite quotes by the Prophet Joseph Smith: “The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain."I usually hear this quote followed by the words, "Hold on. Hope on." That may be all you can do for now, but while you're holding and hoping, remember that Christ's eye is upon your son and is he not forgotten by either Him or his Heavenly Father.
I was happy to note that you do not accept responsibility for your son's choice, but I also know how difficult this decision is to actually internalize. I've agonized over some of my sons' choices, and have seen the trouble and pain they have endured because of their poor decisions, and wondered just what I could have done to help and perhaps prevent, had I but known how. Maybe it's pointless worry. Yet, maybe it increases our own understanding and compassion. Maybe, just maybe, it is a purposeful, compelling way to help us feel a little more empathy for the Savior who, completely innocent, still suffered for every kind of sin, every kind of pain, and who makes up for each of us the difference between what we are and what we should be. All we can do for our children, in the long run (and which is equally important in the short 'run' while we are responsible for them) is to love them unconditionally. Just know you are never alone. And that all your ANWA sisters -- and more -- are praying and cheering for you.
Dear Sweet Rene,I too, feel the emotions running through you. I have a son who spent 3 years in prison because of his addictions and horrible choices. We thought he would change when he was released. He did good for a few months, but then went back to many of his old habits. He is not "as bad" as he was, but he is again embarking on that path that led him to where he was before prison. And all I can do is pray, because he is not listening.
Dear Rene: My heart goes out to you as well. What a difficult situation you have to go through. You must have been a wonderful mother and always know that. My prayers are with you and don't forget to put him on the temple prayer list. Hang on...
I don't know that I can say any more than has already been said, except that I, too, have you in my prayers and am sending you great big e-hugs...just never give up. Lives can change in the blink of an eye. Look what happened to the sons of Alma! It can also take years of love and patience. My brother-in-law has been institutionalized for several years now...back and forth between prison and hospitals...but we love him and hope the best for him. We love you, Rene...
To all my dear and supportive ANWA sisters, thank you for your kind words and prayers. Rene
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