By Christine Thackeray
Much of life seems to rush forward and as mothers we get dragged along by its swift current. Children call in need and we respond. Obligations cry for attention and we respond. Friends call to have fun and we respond- too often. Laundry calls from the corners of our bathrooms and closets and we ignore it. (Oops.) But every once in a while we hit a crossroads and have to sit and make a choice. Sometimes that choice can have serious consequences and that is when I freeze. I am standing at the cusp of one such decision right now and I am twisted into knots over it.
It is interesting that it was this ability to choose that the very war in heaven was fought over and Christ thought it of such value that he was willing to give his life for it. At times I wish I could just be told what to do and do it perfectly and I'd be happy. But that was Satan's plan, wasn't it? In a marriage it even gets more complicated as you face important decisions together. Often I take a backseat, leaving the burden on my husband but with this decision he won't let me get away with that. I need to stand up and decide.
So I'm praying and asking for inspiration (and blogging about it) but with all of that, there is still a point where we have to leap and it's making me sick to my stomach. Not because it is a bad decision, I actually feel good about it, but it is a huge obligation that will be challenging to face. It will mean sacrifice and going without and challenge- none of which appeal to me. But the ultimate goal is for our family to all sit down in heaven together and if that is the cost I should just suck it up and jump. (But do you mind if I bite my nails down to the quick first?)
For those of you who wonder what this decision is we are looking at buying a stinking house. We are renting in Portland and the only safe schools we feel good about leave my husband with a long commute and with gas prices it is going to kill us. We found a house with six bedrooms right at the top of our price range in an older neighborhood but haven't been able to find anything else close to it in price. It is not really an investment with the housing market the way it is and I want to just ignore it but I have the feeling everytime I pray that it is the right thing for us- but I don't want it to be. The yard is tiny. Ugh! I hate being a grown up and our mortgage will last until my husband and I are 80. AHHHH!
So I could apply this to committing to an idea for writing and spending months building and working to that end. If you only focused on the cost and time it takes to complete a manuscript, would you ever do it? Or having a child or accepting a calling? I suppose we'll just have to see what happened to us but if you find you have a few more seconds on your knees with nothing left to pray about you could add me to the list.