No more BFF

by Valerie Ipson

My checkbook and debit card are no longer on speaking terms. Not that they were ever that close, but still, it doesn’t seem right. The two should be buds, two compadres in a common cause, but whatever they did have is no longer.

I guess Checkbook can only take so much—she’s had it up to HERE, she says. It seems Debit Card has a nasty habit of not reporting transactions to Check Register. That was supposed to be the deal—spend money, write it down in Check Register. Oh, Checkbook has been diligent. When she spends money on something like school lunch or tithing, she meticulously records each item down to its amount, date, and even the reason for the transaction. She is definitely a stickler for details. Debit Card—not so much.

Frankly, she’s like a crazy woman—a discount T-shirt from Walmart here, a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk there, but does she let Check Register know? No. She goes on her merry way as if nothing happened. Eat, drink and wear cheap T-shirts seems to be her motto.

So when a $2.37 debit to Sonic shows up on Bank Balance, Checkbook says, “Hey, what’s up, Check Register? I don’t see an entry for $2.37 to Sonic." (Yummy strawberry banana smoothie, by the way). Check register can only lift her tiny little arms in defeat. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t know nothing about no smoothie.” (Her grammar’s not the best when she’s stressed). Again, Debit Card is the culprit. Bad, Debit Card, very, very bad.

Well, Debit Card, I hope you’ve enjoyed your little party because now the jig is up (and we all know when the jig is up, it’s serious--sorry to be harsh, but sometimes you’ve just got to take a stand). No longer will you hold your hallowed go-to position in the wallet. You’re banished to its deep dark recesses between the auto glass company business card and the sub sandwich punch card, and if you don’t mend your ways it’s the desk drawer for you, my friend!

But first, let me make a quick Walmart run…then you’re banished, my friend…banished to the deep dark recesses of the…

Note to Self: Please step up your writing efforts so you can actually sell something, earn some money, and make Bank Balance happy. ‘Cause if Bank Balance ain’t happy…well, you know the rest.