Oct 7, 2008

No more BFF

by Valerie Ipson

My checkbook and debit card are no longer on speaking terms. Not that they were ever that close, but still, it doesn’t seem right. The two should be buds, two compadres in a common cause, but whatever they did have is no longer.

I guess Checkbook can only take so much—she’s had it up to HERE, she says. It seems Debit Card has a nasty habit of not reporting transactions to Check Register. That was supposed to be the deal—spend money, write it down in Check Register. Oh, Checkbook has been diligent. When she spends money on something like school lunch or tithing, she meticulously records each item down to its amount, date, and even the reason for the transaction. She is definitely a stickler for details. Debit Card—not so much.

Frankly, she’s like a crazy woman—a discount T-shirt from Walmart here, a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk there, but does she let Check Register know? No. She goes on her merry way as if nothing happened. Eat, drink and wear cheap T-shirts seems to be her motto.

So when a $2.37 debit to Sonic shows up on Bank Balance, Checkbook says, “Hey, what’s up, Check Register? I don’t see an entry for $2.37 to Sonic." (Yummy strawberry banana smoothie, by the way). Check register can only lift her tiny little arms in defeat. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t know nothing about no smoothie.” (Her grammar’s not the best when she’s stressed). Again, Debit Card is the culprit. Bad, Debit Card, very, very bad.

Well, Debit Card, I hope you’ve enjoyed your little party because now the jig is up (and we all know when the jig is up, it’s serious--sorry to be harsh, but sometimes you’ve just got to take a stand). No longer will you hold your hallowed go-to position in the wallet. You’re banished to its deep dark recesses between the auto glass company business card and the sub sandwich punch card, and if you don’t mend your ways it’s the desk drawer for you, my friend!

But first, let me make a quick Walmart run…then you’re banished, my friend…banished to the deep dark recesses of the…

Note to Self: Please step up your writing efforts so you can actually sell something, earn some money, and make Bank Balance happy. ‘Cause if Bank Balance ain’t happy…well, you know the rest.


  1. Very funny, Valerie! My Checkbook and Debit Card have the same problem, which is why my Debit Card is banished from anything but the ATM!

  2. So true! You have quite the way with words. Very humorous.

  3. It is such a truth...and you've captured the humor in it well.

    One of the hardest (and best) things we have ever done was to document EVERY penny. (Thanks to Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover). It's amazing how much is swallowed, worn and eaten away, just a couple of dollars at a time.

  4. Why can't debit card and checkbook just get along. I hate that. :>

  5. I don't understand, that never happens to me:)

  6. Thanks, Valerie! This is laugh-out-loud funny. In fact, it probably needs a beverage warning!*

    *So folks don't drink while reading, thus sparing a clean-up job on aisles ` through = and q through \, plus all the function keys.

  7. Downright clever. Now I have to follow that, and since I'm off to Washington in just four or five more hours, and haven't blogged yet, there's no telling what I'll do. Wish I could borrow some of your cleverness.


  8. That is a ROFLOL, Valerie! I can soooo relate! So can my BIL...yikes! His .99 big gulp sodas ended up costing him something like 40.00 because he forgot to tell check register.

    Carbon check copies saved my marriage once. Banning Debit card saved it again.

    great post! thanks for the laugh!


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