Not Coming from Me

by Kirsten Millsap

I always know when the things I am writing are coming from me or from Heaven...under my own power, the things I write come slowly, and sometimes...painfully. But when the unseen hand of angelic inspiration takes over these typing fingers, it's altogether different...easier.
For instance:

I am in the midst of creating this year's Stake Christmas Concert--a very large endeavor that munches about seven months of my year--and I do everything. Everything! I come up with the theme, select the music (and in this year's case--write music for it) audition the performers, call in favors from a few of my professional singing buddies to take key performances, write the narration, pull together the photos for the power point display, create the videos that run during the show, arrange and attend rehearsals, deal with cantankerous, non-LDS sound and lighting engineers (while keeping them from swearing in the chapel), pull together the advertising, the programs, the ushers and then direct the whole she-bang. This year I'm cutting myself a break; I'm not singing...one less hat to wear.

You may ask..."Why doesn't she ask for help? Is she a control freak?" Well...yes and no. I am a control freak, in that I am willing and able to spend ten hour days running errands and sitting in my chair creating the show, and I can trust that I will work myself stupid getting it right. Will others have that same dedication? Not in my experience. This is why I do it all. Thankfully, Heavenly Father has been generous in sending a talented choir director to my rescue, and she is a hard worker with her heart in the right place...I consider myself blessed to work with her. Again...one less hat to wear.

But I still wear all the other hats, like the hat salesman in that famous kid's book...the one with the mischevious hat-stealing monkey. The question of who is actually wearing the writing-hat, can be answered easily; if my fingers are stumbling over the keyboard, and my mind drifts to the chocolate I have secreted away in my drawer...well...I am most definately on my own, and quite possibly going in the wrong direction. Like the first year I did the concert: I wanted certain songs in the show, but Heavenly Father had a different idea. And I couldn't write the narrations until I had prayed for guidence and gave my will over to His. I realized I was on the wrong course, and when I made the changes neccessary, the narrations flowed like water...no stumbling, no rewrites...and no chocolate breaks. And one very large hat removed from my weary head.

The pleasure I feel when working this close with the spirit is unmatched; it is indescribable. At no other time, do I feel this close to the Lord...until I get a wild hair, and start running down the wrong ideas again, at which point I get dumped, and get no where. So I pray everyday. Read my scriptures more, try to get to the temple more (which reminds me; I'm due for a session this week) and just generally try to keep myself in the "Shiny-Spirit-Zone".

At least this way I get seven months of being a Molly-MO (minus all the bread making, since I haven't the time). Now if I could just get the other five months to match...Oh! I know!! Maybe I'll put together an Easter program!!!

Nahhhh...probably won't...I'm not really an Easter-Hat kinda girl.