by Terri Wagner
In keeping with a summer theme of reading and writing, I had to confess to Rebecca's post that I sometimes feel guilty for the inordinate amount of time I spend reading and writing, especially that kind of reading and writing that means putting the book down and contemplating it or staring at a blank page on a computer screen. Seems like a waste of time I don't really have to waste.
A little voice begins to bleat in the back of my head and if I give it room, it continues until it fills the whole of my head. It starts out you really should DO something not read, not write, DO. The world needs more doers. Be ye Does of the word and not just hearers. It goes round and round. Sometimes I just beat it back by ignoring it, but sometimes the voice gets louder.
Last night it was hammering on me so much I gave up, shut down the computer and went to talk to my dad who is having his own crisis at the moment (total knee replacement in the next few weeks). He was fine. We talked about 2 minutes, he went back to his crossword puzzle. I went into my room where my visiting sister was watching TV, looked up and said what are you doing here?! She was fine.
So why was that darn voice so loud in my ear? Is it a voice sent to remind me time is short, stop the self indulgence of reading and writing and go save a piece of the world; or is it a sort of writer's block trying to lure me away from my writing goals?
Being around in the last of the last days (if indeed they are those days) sure makes for some tough choices. Anyone else feeling guilty out there?