Funny Girl

"Do you ever feel inadequate?" my co-star, Darci asked me back-stage a few months ago.

"Sure," I whispered back as I shrugged. "You'll do great. Don't worry about it."

"No, I mean," she continued, "like as a woman in the church and in life and everything. Like everyone else is so much better at it all and you just don't measure up?"

I have to admit, I've never really felt exactly that way but I could understand on some level how she felt so I replied, "Sure. Everyone does. Oh, that's your queue!" I nudged her out on stage.

More recently I found myself surrounded by a gaggle of women called together to throw a baby shower. We were waiting for a few more to show up but the room was quickly becoming crowded. The weird thing? You could have heard a pin drop. Nobody was talking. It dawned on me that there was not an extrovert among us. Time to use my talents. I began asking people questions in true Oprah style. I cracked some jokes, offered to help out with the food, and generally sprang to life. Soon the room began buzzing and I could relax.

As I relayed to my husband later that night how I often feel like the "life of the party" among certain groups of women (not a role I normally find myself in) he reminded me that we all have different roles in certain circles. My thoughts went back to Darci's question. Do I ever feel inadequate? Maybe not inadequate, but often I feel like I'm the "funny girl" and that I need to be "on" for the sake of others.

If I were to put myself into a place like in Pride and Prejudice I think the people might find me to be too jovial, boisterous, or outgoing for their taste. I am uncomfortable at the "quiet tea party" and prefer the room full of various conversations going on at once. Sometimes that makes me feel like I don't "fit in" or rather that I fit into a different group. I'm failing to find that group among the women in my ward. I think I need to throw a luncheon and keep inviting different women until I no longer find myself needing to be "on" all the time.

Do you relate to finding yourself fulfilling a certain "role" that you didn't really know was yours except in certain company?