Hi! Remember me. In January I went back to school, and dropped everything...well, I did manage to post, but was it interesting? I'll leave that up to you. Yesterday, I took my last final and with a sigh of relief left student to go back to desperately seeking employment.
This is not a happy time in my life. And to come here at this time in my life hurt more than it would have when I was younger. Most people assume I am a retiree when I sub. That hurts too. Geez I thought I looked fairly young.
However, there is one thing I have to share. Nearly a year ago when this big bad awful terrible thing happened to me, Heavenly Father assured me He would walk this path with me. And He has. Every day, every depressed moment I have felt His hand of comfort and encouragement. I feel that He has set me on a path although I have no idea where I am going to end up much like Lehi must have felt at times.
I had finally set aside Plan A for my life. I had a glimmer of a Plan B but it was vague. And there He was yet again giving me comfort. I do feel more like Lehi these days than Nephi. When I was younger, I was going to the Nephi of my family, striding forth in adventure of all kinds with sufficient faith to make it through. Now I feel more Lehi or maybe Sariah, I am older, life is not that much of an adventure, I wanted to coast into retirement. Lehi had money, a family, probably like me a Plan A. And then the Lord changed it all. They wandered a long time before they reached the promised land.
I think I am young too, until I catch a peek at a picture of myself, and then I realize that youth has passed me by.
ReplyDeleteI "retired" from my first career almost a year ago. I was a stay-at-home mom. Don't laugh! That was a righteously hard career. I did absolutely everything for my family--except bring money into the household. That was my husband's job. We'd agreed on that a long time ago when our children were very small.
During the latter part of my career, I began to write--or rather, I started to learn how to write. This hasn't been an easy schooling, but I have my "plan B" too. Now my children are married and I'm officially retired from that "at-home" mothering job, and I'm trying to find employment in the form of publishing.
Keep reaching for your "Plan B" Terri, but get it more defined in you head so it's clearer. Mine is so clear I can almost touch it. Maybe you can't grasp yours because it's misty and vague.
And we are not old!
Thank you Debra. And yes being a stay at home mom is a very challenging job. And I admire every mom and dad that makes that commitment. We'll pull for each other in our 2nd careers.
ReplyDeleteWow. Terri, there are several of us here that are experiencing similar challenges. You described it so beautifully! I forgot that Lehi didn't know where he was going. It makes my "ambiguous state" less daunting for sure. While we don't know where we are moving yet...and we have to be out of here in 4 short weeks, I am assured that it will work out beautifully. Thanks for the great reminder. You rock.
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Terri, I am late coming back to comment but I very much relate to what you said. I remember just yesterday or was it 20 -25 years ago thinking I would conquer the world and have great adventures. Now I am significantly older working on plan B, C, or D wishing for a time machine or a promised land but only daring to hope for the a tent and shoes in the wilderness.
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