Pondering on Nose Beards

by Kari Diane Pike

When I looked back at the posts I have written over the last several months, they added up to a lot of seriousness. Wow. So today I wanted to write something light-hearted and funny and entertaining. I really do have a lot of joy in my life. But while pondering my writing style and why I write, I realized that most of the "fun" stuff comes from spending time with my children and grandchildren. Lately, that hasn't happened as frequently as I would like. Evidently, I'm not creative enough to come up with funny material on my own.

My biggest adventures in life right now revolve around the aging process - that of my parents and grandmother and of myself and my husband. Who wants to read about that? Have you ever noticed that when you are a child growing up, everyone wants to tell you about what life is going to be like when you grow up? Have you also noticed that once you hit a certain age, no one wants to talk about it any more - especially if you're a woman? Unless the topic is hot flashes. I think that hot flashes tales are the female version of men's war stories.

Things no one ever told me about getting older: not only do your nose and ears keep growing, but they sprout! I was mortified the first time I discovered not one, but three (one gray and two black) very long and bristly chin hairs. Then there was the time my husband leaned over our granddaughter to help buckle her into her car seat and looking up into his face, she asked,

"Grandpa, why do you have a nose beard?"

A few weeks ago, I went to the doctor for a routine physical. I came out feeling like I had an expiration date stamped on my forehead. At 55 they said I really needed a good overhaul. Mammogram, bone density, eye exam, a heart workup and a colonoscopy. I mentioned having problems with my voice, so they added a trip to the ENT.

Yesterday I prepped for today's colonoscopy. It's the equivalent of a radiator flush. Just sayin'. And the last time I saw a doctor grab and pull a living being's tongue the way that ENT did mine, I worked for a veterinarian. Yes, I am feeling a little dehumanized right now!

All that said, you know what? I love the age I'm at right now. I love it because I'm beginning to recognize how my experiences have helped me grow. For better and worse, I am reaping the benefits and consequences of choices made years and years ago. Having more knowledge and wisdom doesn't hurt either. Just the other day:

Me (for the third of fourth time in 15 minutes) to smug thirteen-year-old boy who insisted he didn't have to finish some make-up work for school: "It's really important for you to focus on your homework and complete these assignments. They need to be done."

Smug and snarky Boy: "How do you know?"

Experienced Me: "How many kids do you think have lived in my home?"

Smug, snarky, and belligerent Boy: "Ummm...eight."

Me: "Twenty-one. and you and your sisters make 22,23, and 24. I've been raising kids for 36 years. I know when you're giving me crap."

Wide-mouthed frog facing the alligator Boy: "oh."

Why yes, he did do his homework that night. At least I've still got the "I'm looking at you" glare down.
 

Oh, and one more thing. My granddaughter loves my squishy arms. I've decided to refer to them as my wings - bat or angel? I guess it depends on whether or not I've had my chocolate for the day. Life is magnificent!

hugs~