My family and I may seem normal.
We are anything but.
We have a secret.
Wait for it ...
We have superpowers (shhhhhh)
It's a terrible burden we bear, but we have come to accept our lot in life. Our powers have been refined and honed to the greatest level of skill, and we are proud of our abilities, despite how the rest of society may view us.
Remote Control Detector Boy, aka little brother
He can detect a remote control in a five foot radius, and within seconds have the remote control in his mouth and covered in saliva. He has no preference for remote control type, and has been known to attack phones as well. We believe the drooling on the remote to be a sort of disarming mechanism.No Onions Girl, aka big sister
She can sense the teeny tiny onions in her meal that I so carefully mince and pick them out. Her specialty is smearing the rejected onions on the table, proclaiming "I don't like onions!" Her detection method is unknown. More research will be needed.
Wisdom Tooth Regrower Women, aka mommy
I know that there are countless others out there, hiding, suffering, going through the motions of day to day life, yet behind closed doors are harboring an awesome power.
Anyone wanna confess?
As for me, I can grow teeth that should not be there. I had my wisdom teeth removed back when I was teenager - a fantastic experience that I would suggest to anyone (not). When I was pregnant with big sister, I had a horrible pain in the back of my mouth, and the top of my mouth started protruding out. I thought it was a tumor or cancer. One day I felt with my finger in the back of my mouth, and there was another tooth! I was shocked, surprised, relieved, then I thought "let's get this thing outta here!" The dentist, using high-tech equipment, used a lever to knock the tooth out. My powers are very unpredictable, so I'm frequently off duty, and lead the most normal life (or so I tell myself).
Captain Sleep Wherever, aka daddyMy husband can literally sleep anywhere. It's truly incredible. The kids could be playing in front of him, with the TV on and the lights blaring, and he'll lean back in the Lay-Z Boy, close his eyes, and drift off to sleep. Due to such a high skill level, he is considered the biggest threat.
Trusty Sidekick Horrible Timing for a Lap Sit Cat, aka kitty
Our cat has an incredible ability to sit on your lap about 10 minutes before you have to move. I actually think she might be psychic. We could be watching a movie that's 2 hours long, and she'll wait until the show is almost over to come get comfortable on our laps. I'll be just about to get up from bed to brush my teeth, and she'll come cruising by for a cuddle even though I've been reading for over an hour. I just wish she could channel her powers to something more useful.
Well, there you have it. The secret's out.
The only question now is whether to use our powers for good or for evil.
Well, there you have it. The secret's out.
The only question now is whether to use our powers for good or for evil.
I know that there are countless others out there, hiding, suffering, going through the motions of day to day life, yet behind closed doors are harboring an awesome power.
Anyone wanna confess?
ROTFL hysterical love it.
ReplyDeleteMy super power is Rationalization Woman. No matter what terrible things you've done, I can rationalize it to make it sound justified. Maybe that's why I write fiction.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Marielle, you are sooo funny! I love your super power detection skills! I have 0ne at home who can make things appear. WHenever he really wants something..somehow, from somewhere, it will appear. He wanted a globe, and a blow up version came in the mail from Nat. Geo. He wanted a bird...something I would never spend money on...and a little blue parakeet flew into our window during a wind storm...cool, huh!
ReplyDeleteas for me...I have odd effects on electricl stuff. if i stand too close to electronic scanners, they don't work...including cash registers and check readers...and i shut down an entire gas station once...hmmm..maybe i ought to blog about that experience some time!
fun post marielle!
Guess what? I'm married to Captain Sleep Wherever's twin brother! What a coincidence. We're sisters-in-law and never knew it!
ReplyDeleteThe trick is to appear normal, so nobody will know. That is unless you are an author and want to publicize your book. Then there are no holds barred. Go ahead and flaunt your powers. Especially when they are so funny.
ReplyDeleteI have neither a book to sell nor anything amazing, except that I can sleep through almost anything. Granted, I was better at it in my youth. i could sleep through any alarm, phone ringing, even an electrial storm and a tree falling across my bed (well, the top branches, anyway), and rain in my face.
But, come to think of it, this will probably end up in my memoirs, Want to buy the book?
Well, there must be sleep triplets then. We have DOZENS and DOZENS of pictures of Jim over the years sleeping in all postions in various places. Pretty funny. He also has a strange power over the "Brake" light in cars. As soon as he's been driving a car for a few days, the brake light goes on and usually stays on... this has happened in now fewer than about NINE cars or trucks that we've owned. Very strange.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff, Marielle!!
Love your humor, Marielle. I'd say that's a superpower as well!
ReplyDelete