By Wendy A. Jones
The last post I wrote for this blog was about my mom's cancer diagnosis. The one before that was about time and how I was going to try and find "joy in the journey," not letting time pressures rob me of enjoying the moment I'm currently in.
Those two things have been in my thoughts, especially as Easter has approached. I'm still staying with my parents, having sent my children off to live with their dad a week and a half ago. I have gone to appointments with my parents and listened to one doctor use the phrase "ultimate demise" in a sentence, and the other one candidly remark that "barring any accidents" this brain tumor Mom has will most likely cause her death.
Death is something we all think about at some point, especially in the context of Easter. But as glorious and miraculous as the resurrection is, I still don't want to think about it in regards to my mother.
Selfishly, I focus more on what her death will mean to all us schlumps she leaves behind instead of what it might mean to her. I can't stop asking myself the question, "If she dies, who will take care of me?"
Then the other night I read D&C 42:45-46, 48.
"Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection.
"And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them;"
"And again, it shall come to pass that he that hath faith in me to be healed, and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed."
Reading about healing and faith comforted me. I know God can heal my mom. And maybe He will, and I will continue to pray for that outcome. But no amount of faith can save her if she is "appointed unto death." I have to be all right with that. I have to realize that might be what she needs--that might be what we all need. None of us want it. But I have to prepare myself for that eventuality.
Most of all, I realized I shouldn't waste time. I hug her, I kiss her, I tell her I love her, I feel her. I store up as much as I possibly can because I understand something I've always known: she is going to die, and I am going to have to live without her. It's just happening a lot sooner than I thought.
So now when I sing the words, "Where thy victory, O grave?" at church today, they will be more personal than ever before. Christ has won the victory. I am so grateful for that.
So beautiful. I too love that Hymn and sang it today. It is so good to remember our Lord and all that he done for us.
ReplyDeleteWendy, I have not lost my mother yet but I grieve with you. I wish I could take away some of your anguish. The scriptures you read were perfect. I had never thought on them before. Thank you for sharing that thought with me. Perhaps when I get to the same point in my life I will be able to remember them and the lesson you taught us today.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words. I pray that you'll have as much time with her as you can. My brother-in-law is going through the exact thing with his mother.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said! Perfect scriptures. I have lost some very important people in my life over the past few years. I feel a happiness for the love I had for them and the feeling of loss, by what you have said.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!
Sometimes the Spirit gives that chance to prepare. I was given that opportunity once and made sure that loved one got lots of extra special attention and love. Although when the end came it was tough and I miss them every day, I am grateful that before that person moved on, they knew without doubt that I loved them.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such tender thoughts and feelings. I appreciate the scripture reference and look forward to studying them more later. My mom was given 6 months to live...about 12 years ago when she was diagnosed with stage 4 Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. She has beat it twice, but we nearly lost her to respiratory failure a couple of weeks ago. I am still trying to prepare for her "graduation" to the next life. hugs and prayers for you and your mom.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you and your mom. Your children will see your good example and learn from it.
ReplyDeleteI think what Terri said is so important. God bless you and your mother.
ReplyDeleteYou are in the refiners fire which is what it is all about. I lost my father not just once, but several times from Alzheimer's. Through loss of memory of his children and family then through physical death. It was a long 15 years for all of us. I learned to love him at whatever stage of life he was in. Although he has been relieved from his eartly suffering, I feel him with me often. Prayer and more prayer will get you through.
ReplyDelete