By Wendy A. Jones
When I started writing for this blog, I didn't really introduce myself.
That was on purpose.
Almost two years ago, I took down all the information on my "About" tab on my personal blog.
When someone suggested we post a picture and short bios for our online writing group, I thought, "Great!" Then I only uploaded a picture.
It's not that I don't like talking about myself. I used to have no problem listing vital stats and interests. So what gives? Why the sudden modesty?
Two words: identity crisis.
My husband left almost two years ago.
Aside from the general heartache and inner brokenness his actions caused, it left me wondering: "If I'm not a loving and beloved wife, what am I?"
Answering that question has been difficult. Truly a crisis.
Even now, I'm not to the point where I can be blase about the failure of my marriage and my status as a separated-almost-divorced woman.
However, in my life it has always been the times of crisis that have given me the most growth. I am an avid journal-keeper, and I happened to thumb through an old journal this week. I remembered the days I wrote about, remembered the feelings I had when I wrote the entries, and in that remembering I realized something: I am healing.
The pain is still there. I hope and pray that it will someday go away fully, but remembering the first six months showed me how far I've come. How blessed I am for the power of the atonement and the priesthood in my life. How much growth I've experienced.
I think I'm ready to introduce myself.
My name is Wendy A. Jones. I am a daughter of God and I know that He has a plan for my life. I am the mother of four amazing children, a boy on each end and two girls sandwiched in between. I love to read books and write and draw and take photographs and sew. I play the bassoon and I love to sing. I have amazing friends and a wonderful extended family. I like laughing and I do it a lot. I enjoy cooking, but not cleaning up the mess from cooking.
It's nice to meet you.
You are an amazing and wonderful person, Wendy. Thank you for sharing your realization that you are healing. That took courage, and I think you have a lot of that! Love and hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteMore things that we know about you, that you didn't need to put in your profile: You are strong, courageous, funny, supportive, and very talented. And not just a mom, but a great mom. I know the healing will continue, and I hope you never feel alone in that journey. Hugs, my friend.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou are a very talented adn amazing child of God, it is a pleasure to know you
Good for you, Wendy. While I'm not a child of God, I am a woman who has felt her identity slip under the crushing wheels of love... and emerge with giant tread-marks all over it. Not to mention some stubborn grit.
ReplyDeleteGlad to meet you. Never settle for an easy identity; complexity is much more fun.
Peace, Mari
It's a joy to meet you Wendy. Hugs...and happy healing. Thank you for sharing such a tender experience.
ReplyDeleteMarsha--I appreciate all that you do. Thank you for your kind words.
ReplyDeleteShelli--I'm blushing. I'm glad to know you, even if it has only been virtually.
Leesa--same to you! It's nice to have one writer buddy in the same town.
Mari--Thank you for commenting. I love your tire tread analogy; it's so fitting.
Kari--Thank you. You always have such a bright, positive aura about your posts and comments. You have such a gift for lifting others.
Aw, Wendy. Being divorced myself (twice; I made some terrible decisions in my 20s), I can empathize with what you've been through. Let me add that I'm very glad to have met you, and I enjoy your posts. A few years ago, I was surprised to learn how many trials I shared with so many people, both in the church and not, when I gained the courage to open up a little about myself. The resulting close friendships I've made have been very healing. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteKeep introducing you...before you were so-n-so's wife; now you are you. I'm the odd never married sister so I can relate in a backhand sort of way.
ReplyDeleteLife is such a crazy beast!
ReplyDeleteTitles are just so.....labeling.
And really, are any of us just a simple label?
I love your honesty, and I grieve your heartache. I am married to a man with bipolar depression (title) and unluckily, he has often been very bipolar about being married.
It is amazing that it has really been since high school that I have known you well, that your amazing light continues to shine through!
I would just like to add that she may "enjoy" doing everything on that little list of hobbies that she gave, but she's also pretty darn good at them too. Like in a, " Man I wish I could sew and take photos like Wendy!" way.
ReplyDeleteYou never cease to amaze me. (((hugs)))
I love the tire track analogy. Like scars they show your strength. Your are a strong woman.
ReplyDeleteWendy, thank you for sharing your thoughts and part of your journey. We all face times of trial and deep despair and wonder who we are. I too found that the very most important discovery is that I am a daughter of God -a loving Father. As such, I have great strength and can find the peace I need. Hold your head high and continue being just who you are.
ReplyDeleteWendy, I haven't stopped thinking about you and your beautiful kids since I read this post. I am so sorry.Your strength amazes me.
ReplyDeleteKristin--thank you. It has amazed me as well, the number of people who have reached out to me. I don't know that I was so compassionate to people going through a divorce previously to my own experience, so their concern is doubly precious.
ReplyDeleteTerri--you're right. Now I am me. It took awhile for me to get used to that and to feel like it was a good thing, but now I know it!
Dear, dear Abby--I'm so sorry for having to deal with that. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. I think we were crazy to want to be adults; wouldn't you rather just plan a really rockin' assembly? I love you, dear friend. Thank you for being you.
Monique--You give me way too much credit, but thank you for it anyway! I'm so glad we're friends.
Susan--Kind of like a badge of honor: I've been through something hard and I'm still alive.
Cindy--thank you! I'm doing my best.
Melissa--Thank you. I love you!