Why I Write

By Leesa Ostrander

Sunday marked the one year anniversary of a death of a
special person in my life. This death is bordered by multiple other loved ones
that have left this Earth. I have seen my all of grandparents and an uncle
leave in six months. A year later a close friend, and two childhood “little
brothers” have exited their test here.

It is in times of grief that I find a creative need to share
a bit of what each person means to me. I express my joy, pain, love,
frustration and other emotions through the sound of my pencil on lined paper.
The smell of the lead and mixture of pulverized wood gives me a sense of
belonging to a fine tuned working order we call “life”. This test in life is
organized and purposeful and I find joy in having the opportunity to feel a
full range of emotions.  

My dear friend’s kid brother was taken in a horrendous car
accident on the eve of his birthday week. He had left his sister’s house and was
going to meet friends. He was a calm force in their family and an influence in
striving to make sweet all of life’s challenges. One fatal flaw has left their
family reeling after the loss of a second brother in one year.

Their pain has been covered on Facebook and expressed in
many “I miss you!” messages. We each deal with grief in a different and personal
way.

I write.

My time was tested when my grandparents left this Earth. I
had many emotions of regret and sadness that I did not spend enough time with
them. Then I wrote. I wrote a poem that I think symbolizes what I could not
say.

(now I get to share it J)

In Time

Deep within my soul is solitude

Full of harmony and peace

A happy spirit returns home

To work diligently

The privileged get to go

And I wait my turn

Beyond the everyday is glory

Full of comfort and joy

A happy spirit journeys on

To begin his duty

The privileged take part

And I wait on

Deep within my soul this burns true

Full of appreciation and gratitude

For my Savior’s sacrifice
To guide me home

The privileged are there

And I am going in time

My soul cries out

Please greet me there

I will need you

The privileged one

I feel that if we share our emotions and allow for others to be a part of the process we can heal, grow and return with integrity. Our goal here on this Earth is to learn and help other’s along the way. Through being emotionally available we are allowing for the anniversaries to be joyful and remembering what we have in store.

It is this process and learning moments that I write. I write to seal my emotions, memories and tender mercies for a later time. I write so I can read and remember the full emotions of love and joy. I write so my girls will also have a sense of how wonderful these people were to me.