Wherein Marsha Ward (the founder of American Night Writers Association) and a few of her friends blogged about Life, the Universe, and their place in the World of Writing and Publishing. This blog is now dormant.
I wasn't going to post this initially because I didn't want you all to think I was one of "those" people who talk about their pets all the time but then Kristin Przybyla TOTALLY opened up the doors for this one and I don't think she's one of "those" people either. So yes, Kristin, I can relate but it's not that they want to cuddle as much as...well...just read on.
Dog: Please let me out! PLEASE! I’m scratching at the door and whining! I’m gonna pee on the floor if you don’t let me out RIGHT NOW! I will follow you wherever you go in the house whining and making your life a living hell until you open that door!”
Me: Okay, go out and chase rabbits or something. Jeez! (Open sliding glass door.)
Dog: I want in! I want in! PLEASE let me in! You are so cruel to send me out when it’s so windy and COLD outside! It looks like a hurricane is coming! You horrible, horrible human, you! Let me in, let me in, let me IN!”
Me: “I just let you out ten seconds ago! What do you want from me? I just sat back down and now you’re begging to come back in!”
Dog: (Scratch, scratch, scratch, scritchity scratch.) “What? You’re not going to let me in the exact moment I ask? Maybe you didn’t hear me correctly. Perhaps you will hear better with your inferior human ears if I scratch on the screen door instead!” (Screeeaaaatch! Riiip! Angry stare of doom.)
Me: (Running to the door now.) Don’t scratch the screen door, you stupid dog! Go lay down on your pad and quit being such a nuisance!”
Dog: (Skulking over to the dog bed.) Well you don’t have to be a jerk about it. I only wanted to be inside where it’s warm and dry. I am one of you, you know.
Me: (Sitting down again.) Don’t give me that look. I just want to sit down and relax.
Dog: (Ears perking up and running back to the door.) LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! There’s a RABBIT out there, I know it! (Scratch, scratch, scritchity scratch, whine, whine, WHIIIINE!)
Dog: “Bowowoooo! I will stay inside and howl at the rabbit until you let me out! Bowowooo!”
Me: “Gah! Get outside and stay out!” (Opening door once again.) Man’s best friend, my foot.”
Dog: “I’m done now. I’m giving you my best eyes. Won’t you pleeease let me in? I’m raising my paw to the screen. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna scratch the screen if you don’t let me in after I paw at the glass door. Watch me. You know I’m in charge, don’t you?”
Repeat 10 times daily.
(He was cute once. Okay...still is...but not like that.)