Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Speaking of furry distractions


by Kami Cornwall
I wasn't going to post this initially because I didn't want you all to think I was one of "those" people who talk about their pets all the time but then Kristin Przybyla TOTALLY opened up the doors for this one and I don't think she's one of "those" people either. So yes, Kristin, I can relate but it's not that they want to cuddle as much as...well...just read on.
Dog: Please let me out! PLEASE! I’m scratching at the door and whining! I’m gonna pee on the floor if you don’t let me out RIGHT NOW! I will follow you wherever you go in the house whining and making your life a living hell until you open that door!”
Me: Okay, go out and chase rabbits or something. Jeez! (Open sliding glass door.)
Dog: I want in! I want in! PLEASE let me in! You are so cruel to send me out when it’s so windy and COLD outside! It looks like a hurricane is coming! You horrible, horrible human, you! Let me in, let me in, let me IN!”
Me: “I just let you out ten seconds ago! What do you want from me? I just sat back down and now you’re begging to come back in!”
Dog: (Scratch, scratch, scratch, scritchity scratch.) “What? You’re not going to let me in the exact moment I ask? Maybe you didn’t hear me correctly. Perhaps you will hear better with your inferior human ears if I scratch on the screen door instead!”  (Screeeaaaatch! Riiip! Angry stare of doom.)
Me: (Running to the door now.) Don’t scratch the screen door, you stupid dog! Go lay down on your pad and quit being such a nuisance!”
Dog: (Skulking over to the dog bed.) Well you don’t have to be a jerk about it. I only wanted to be inside where it’s warm and dry. I am one of you, you know.
Me: (Sitting down again.) Don’t give me that look. I just want to sit down and relax.
Dog: (Ears perking up and running back to the door.) LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! There’s a RABBIT out there, I know it! (Scratch, scratch, scritchity scratch, whine, whine, WHIIIINE!)
Me: “UGH!”
Dog: “Bowowoooo!  I will stay inside and howl at the rabbit until you let me out!  Bowowooo!”
Me: “Gah!  Get outside and stay out!” (Opening door once again.) Man’s best friend, my foot.”
Dog: “I’m done now. I’m giving you my best eyes. Won’t you pleeease let me in? I’m raising my paw to the screen. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna scratch the screen if you don’t let me in after I paw at the glass door. Watch me. You know I’m in charge, don’t you?”
Repeat 10 times daily.
(He was cute once. Okay...still is...but not like that.)

4 comments:

  1. That's toooooo funny!

    I don't have a dog. Our sweet, over spirited Golden Retriever passed some years ago, and we can't see ourselves being tied down with another high-maintainance pet again. We have two cats, which act just like that silly cat on the computer yesterday. But---

    We puppysit our grandpuppy, Stewie, when our son and daughter-in-law go out of town. He chases our cats into the bedroom, where they stay for the duration of his visit, and then he acts just like your sweet, adorable dog, with the scratching, and puppy-eyed begging. Good thing? We get to send him home afterwards, and we, and the cats, are free to relax again.

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  2. I loved it!!! He was adorable and I bet he still is. It is a little different here. The cats do more of the threatening to do naughty stuff. The dog wants to offer behaviors for pay or wait patiently then decide to give up on me and shows he totally lost faith in me face. Also he really wants to go out and bark at the pool vacuum (defending us against the monster of the deep.
    Mostly when he wants in and out a lot right together I am super busy and he just wants to add to my stress or (more frequently)I finally have an opportunity to write and he sees it as an opportunity to play.
    This house had a doggy door when we moved in, but it is closed, since Yoda could browse the top of the kitchen cabinets,flat footed, were he not a good boy.(I try not to tempt with abandoned meat dishes.) Luckily he has a history of making good choices.

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  3. The doggy door took care of the situation for all of us.

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