Feelings. Some feelings are based on reality and others are based on the skewed outlook we allow ourselves. Feelings are real, and they feel honest. Yet are they distorted? Are we sitting on a cloud of self-doubt that is really fear of failure?
Now how does this relate to writing? On a personal note, I am very quick to feel despair and become discouraged about my WIP. I read of tons of successful LDS writers and see my friends and colleagues' books in Deseret Book, Shadow Mountain, Cedar Fort, Walnut Creek, Scholastic, Bloomsberry, Putnam . . . etc., and I begin to feel like I can't do it. All the spots for books are taken. There is no room for me and the dribble I write. I can't make it in this tough market, in the economic down turn. I can't find time to write. I can't discipline myself to finish this WIP before I jump to another one. I waste too much time checking my email. I allow less important things to take over, and besides I am neglecting my family so I must be selfish to want to write. Fill in the blank, there are a million reasons why I can't do this, many of them seem justified, even altruistic.
Who knows my heart, my desires, my abilities, and gave me my talent, small as I feel right now it is, in the first place? Who can I tell all this to without any fear of rejection and with perfect and unconditional love?
Of course, you already know where this is going. The only answer is prayer. Our Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves. He is kinder to us than we are to ourselves. I venture to say that he loves us better than we love ourselves which I am so very thankful for that knowledge.
The world needs wholesome works. I will stop worrying about everything except following the promptings I get from the Spirit and write. Whatever happens after that happens. As long as I listen,it will work out and it's all good.
Oh Cindy do you ever think like I do the time I waste on wondering if I'm good enough when in fact it keeps me from being good enough?
ReplyDeleteFelt like this much of last week. Still wrote. Like you, I go back to prayer, and remembering that Heavenly Father is the one that gave me this talent. It doesn't mean I'll get published, but it does mean that He'll support me. And, I think He is pleased with my desire to add something beautiful to this world.
ReplyDeleteThanks Terri and Kelly. It is good to know that we face some of the same demons, yet continue on!
ReplyDeleteWow Cindy...I think your words express the way most of us feel at one time or another, even those who are considered "successful" and have been published multiple times go through these feelings and thoughts. Thank you for expressing these feelings so well...and sharing your hope. You rock, Cindy!
ReplyDeleteKari, you always make me feel good! Thanks!
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