by Kami Cornwall
When I first began to write, it was at the suggestion of a long-time friend of mine, Wendy. She knew I had a tumultuous life and suggested that when my children are old enough, they should know how those things impacted me and what I had been through. One of the hardest things for me to do was write about certain events honestly without creating a "pity party." I don't have any desire for my readers to feel sorry for me because I certainly don't feel sorry for myself. So I went about changing what I wrote almost to the point of erasing certain events entirely.
Writer's Conference (Northwest Retreat) was helpful for me last year in that I received some great insight. I decided to go back and write honestly, and request that if my family members ever read it (my mother in particular) that they brace themselves for some bad feelings. I want them to understand that I'm over it. I'm okay. I have been okay for a long time and I think it's because I have learned one thing early on about forgiveness.
One of Oprah's "Aha" moments came from a guest she had, whose definition of forgiveness is this: "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different."
When I was a child and someone said they were sorry, I would forgive them by saying, "That's okay," and we were good. Here is what I know: Sometimes it's not okay. Sometimes it will never be okay. But in order to let go of the anger, rage, hurt that you feel inside, you have to be able to move past an event - to give up the hope that it could change or be any different -so that your past does not hold you hostage.
I know this is deeper than I normally am in the blog-o-sphere but I have found myself attempting to write on this subject a few times and then chickening out. It seems like something that needs to be said or thought of more often, so I will leave you with my deep thoughts on forgiveness.